this morning i was reading through my old writing i was able to minister to myself. i take no credit for any of it, knowing that only through the Lords word am i even able to stand and have hope. i am so amazed that his love and promises never change, but my circumstances and feelings seem to waver each day.

no matter what winds may blow my way, Christ has still conquered the grave.

• “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”  Ephesians 6:16

• with great ministry opportunities comes great opportunities for attack… when good things are being done for the Kingdom, even more so do i feel the enemy’s attacks. the Lord has really been showing me just what it means to take up the shield of faith and use it to arm myself against what the enemy is trying to use to hinder me. i so often fall into his entrapment of lies, believing that my worth comes from the works i do or the love i can gather. to take up the shield of faith, i need to stand on the promises of God and trust that no matter what the enemy will not prevail because the victory has already been won through Christ. Choir tour was probably one of the best experiences of my life and one of the hardest. my mind was wandering to dark places, and only the light of the Lord’s promises were able to keep me out of despair. ever since i’ve figured out how to arm myself, i’ve felt invincible. i feel so whole and complete that whatever the enemy is trying to throw at me i’m equipped to handle. as i prepare to embark on my service project, i know that my mind is going to be a battlefield, but thank God that He revealed to me in His word how to win.

simple truths are so quickly forgotten, such as: ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. sincerely, romans 8:28 seems like its too good to be true. how is it that God works all things together for my good? so my fears, failures, problems, and inadequacies are all there to be turned around for God’s glory and my good. ultimately my whole life is here to glorify God. i really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things and it is nothing but a privilege to be able to say i was used by God. He does not need me to fulfill His purposes and yet he choses to allow me to live and make mistakes and turns them around for good so that His name may be glorified. So i can sit here in full confidence knowing that as i strive towards holiness (1 Peter 1:16), all of my shortcomings will still be used for Gods glory. I cannot mess up His will, I can only walk in it. How much of a relief is it to know i do not matter? i do nothing to upset the balance of what the Lord has already done..i am simply just walking in His goodness making every next decision to glorify the God who deserves all the praise. 

i am so blessed to have the most amazing best friend on the planet. its so rare that you meet someone so selfless and compassionate who has mastered the art of giving and taking. i am so in love with him and thank God every day for the joy that He brings me through one human being. God manifests His love through relationships and i think its so beautiful when he gives you a best friend. mine is loving, understanding, a good listener, so wise, thoughtful, caring, God fearing, peaceful, simple, easygoing, funny and so many more things to list. i feel like he was created to be my best friend. i am so so thankful for the time that God has given him to me and pray for so much more. he has changed my life completely for the good and brings me closer to the Lord every single day. i am so selfish and want to keep him for myself for the rest of my life, but i trust that the Lord has such great plans for him whether that has me in it or not. i treasure every moment i have with him and can only selfishly pray for more. be so thankful for the amazing people that God has placed in your life to better glorify Him. never take them for granted and always thank God for them. relationships are a blessing, and mine has to be one of the best.

i love you harrison!!

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” Ephesians 6:16

with great ministry opportunities comes great opportunities for attack… when good things are being done for the Kingdom, even more so do i feel the enemy’s attacks. the Lord has really been showing me just what it means to take up the shield of faith and use it to arm myself against what the enemy is trying to use to hinder me. i so often fall into his entrapment of lies, believing that my worth comes from the works i do or the love i can gather. to take up the shield of faith, i need to stand on the promises of God and trust that no matter what the enemy will not prevail because the victory has already been won through Christ. Choir tour was probably one of the best experiences of my life and one of the hardest. my mind was wandering to dark places, and only the light of the Lord’s promises were able to keep me out of despair. ever since i’ve figured out how to arm myself, i’ve felt invincible. i feel so whole and complete that whatever the enemy is trying to throw at me i’m equipped to handle. as i prepare to embark on my service project, i know that my mind is going to be a battlefield, but thank God that He revealed to me in His word how to win.

time flies when you’re having fun, literally.

yet another year has flown by and sophomore year of college is gone. i’m a junior and just as lost as confused as when i started college. you anticipate knowing more as you grow older, but the older i’ve grown, the less i seem to know. for the first time in my life, i regret things. it was bound to happen sometime.. this year i learned the most about love, what it means to really show love, feel love, and be Love. i have not loved the way i would have wanted others to love me, and was not loved the way i should have been. relationships dwindled, others crashed and burned. but at the end of it all, God proved to me He is a God of restoration and i can proudly say that all whom i love still stand tall right around me. this was quite possibly the best and worst year of my life. it was very bittersweet..

as summer comes around the corner i have so much more to look forward to. i have so much the Lord needs to prepare me for and so little time. i’m eager to learn more about what He has for me, but with that comes the overwhelming sense of inadequacy. But thats awesome, because God has more than enough strength and power for the two of us. this next year of college is going to be completely different from the first two. new roommates, new friends, new classes, new responsibilities. as sad as i am that i dont get to live with my best friend anymore, i count it as a blessing because i know our relationship will flourish when we actually care to tend it. i’m excited to cultivate new relationships and be rejuvenated by old ones. i’m excited to see how God is going to use my sisters in Christ to shape me again.

i never understood in movies or books the types of friendships that are worth dying for. it always seemed stupid to me. maybe not stupid per se, but definitely a stretch. today was the day that i felt an overwhelming sense of love for my friends. i finally understand that bond that is written about and so highly coveted. i’m so blessed that the Lord allowed me to experience that deep of friendships, and to think they’re only starting. 

i’m on cloud 9 with blessings layed at my feet. i am definitely in the harvest right now, getting filled so that i can fill others (FOCUS girls in the fall!!). i have the most loving boyfriend, the greatest friends, the most supportive family, and two years of college under my belt. what more could i ask for? hmm just my thoughts..

so i guess this will just be me rambling because i have too many thoughts to keep inside my head. church was beyond powerful today, it was life changing. it was one of those moments that revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. God forgives, His mercies are anew each morning. I am one with Christ and it is not me who lives but Christ who lives in me, so therefore shouldn’t i walk out of that tomb just as He did? what i earn every moment i breathe is to die, i’m not worthy of anything more. but my Savior has power over my death and has payed my wages..all of them.

today i feel like the adulteress woman who was caught in her sin. no one can condemn me but God, and He has chosen not to because of His son’s sacrifice. but the key to that story was to “go and sin no more”. what God did was a gift, one that i was never meant to repay. but i am to go on living for Him and turning away from my sin..and when i mess up, which i am bound to do, His grace covers me every single day. 

i dont want to wake up one day and realize that my life is worthless.. i’ve heard it said that you live your life like you live your days. if i go about my daily routine living for myself and not for the Lord, does that not reflect my entire life? there is no way to carry the cross comfortably and yet i do it daily. i feel like i’ve learned my lessons 100 times but clearly not since the Lord still has much to teach me. thankfully God is not done with me yet, and He wont be until the day Christ returns.

so where does that leave me? i just want to be God’s handmaiden. i just want to be the woman that He’s called me to be. that’s all i want. if He has to rip away everything that is dear to me than so be it, He’s done it before and i lived. His grace is sufficient- that means that i need nothing else. the only things that should matter to me in this life are those that help help me glorify Him more.. i love Him so much because He loved me first. i need to remember who i serve and why..and this resurrection sunday has reminded me to do nothing less.

TONIGHT AT 9, WE WILL BE EMBARKING ON A DISNEYLAND EXTRAVAGANZA. HOORAY!

usually, i dont follow the hype..but this whole hunger games thing is getting out of control. so i read the first one sophomore year, before everyone else you know (how hipster of me), and i thought it was good but not exceptional. i just reread it like two days ago and peeta has been vexing me for days. this is absurd: the wise thing to do would be to study for my midterms, but instead i have chosen to indulge in the world of fantasy once again. see ja laterz.

today i’ve been so overwhelmed by His love..this morning i prayed that He would just open my eyes to His love, comfort, and grace today and i’ve been completely inundated with love! firstly, He made this beautiful summery day just for me..okay probably not, but i like to think this is a way He showed me His presence. He’s shown me His love through my roommates and their selflessness and patience. He blessed me with Disneyland plans and although it may sound silly that i interpret that as a love offering from Him, i really do. He blesses me to be able to do one of my favorite things, and to make it better i get to go with my best friend and family. tonight, i get to see my mom who i always miss so much and until then i get to spend time with some of my best friends. God just graces me with such amazing days without flaw. how can i go throughout this day and not praise Him for such simple blessings? 

i refuse to take God’s gifts for granted..He has blessed me immensely and how dare i reject His timing and His perfect gift giving. Lord i love you, continue to keep yourself in the forefront of my mind, please keep me close to you never swaying and always trusting.