live life on purpose;

it is a dull life indeed that is lived just existing. intentional living means making decisions consciously to make your life worth something. internally be disciplined, be conscious of who you are becoming and take the necessary steps to being who you are called to be in Christ.

wednesday thoughts;

i am excited for the life i have been created to live. so many beautiful things are happening, so many huge changes that are all so lovely and so wanted. i am thrilled and so grateful to the One who not only restores, but restores abundantly. He is the God of restoration and resolution. i always know that the things that he has chosen to take away, he always replaces them with things even more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. whether that be an enhanced version of the old or something completely new and exciting. four years ago i moved away from a home i grew up in, a home i adored. four years later, i return to a settlement even more homey than the first. both of which were intended for good from the Heavenly Father who only gives good things. every good thing is from Him. He confirms, establishes, strengthens and restores you. these are golden promises that are to be expected by faith. this does not mean that God will give you what you want, but it does mean that He will change your wants to fit into the perfect and beautiful desires He has for your life, the first of which is to glorify His name. i guess this whole monologue was to lay out my thoughts before my eyes, and be in even more wonder on the wonderful provision and restoration of my God, my Redeemer, my Healer, and my Friend.

something i love about myself;

it is so important for one to love themselves, not before God and most certainly not before others. that being said, loving who God made you, including how he made you look is important to recognizing he made you precisely how you are for His purposes. that being said again, i love my hair.

i think something i desire more than most things is flowers on the regular. not just purchased by myself at the farmers, but for someone to understand my heart to know what the simple gift of a bouquet of flowers implies. a simple act can fulfill a deepest desire.

I’m that girl.. that girl who loves fluffy puppies, kittens, pretty flowers, loud fireworks, the sultry woods, deepening hikes, disney, the ocean, a good book, some yummy food, a nice cup of coffee, an aromatic cup of tea, cozy clothes, pretty dresses, nice hair, good lipstick, kickass shoes, a relaxing drive, the california flag, old suitcases, harry potter, Moroccan poufs, new records, incense, lord of the rings, candles, a summer breeze, a good tan, star wars, a new bathing suit, a knockout outfit, and jesus christ. 

so much of my life has been spent demanding to stand out, but so many people could make a list identical to mine. how neat is it that there are so many people in the world that have an affinity for such beautiful things? thank you God that we can appreciate loveliness, that i am not alone in my loves. thank you that many people can appreciate the lovely things life has to offer, and in turn praise you for it. 

lily

i miss lily more than words can express. its fascinating what one person can do for the scope of your life and how the lack of their constant presence can change your world. lily has this uncanny ability to brighten up a day and to make any mundane task or circumstance into something to laugh at. she drives me to grow up and be a woman and utilize the talents that God has blessed me with. she inspires me to work hard and to not take my blessing for granted. she loves me for me, every version of me. she accepts and challenges my thinking and listens like no one i have ever known. i love her and her honesty with both herself and others. i miss her joyful smile and her making me coffee in the morning and using up all the creamer but always buying more. i miss our pillow talks when going to bed and i love how we are always on the same wavelength. this is such a silly rant because i am seeing her tomorrow, but i miss living with her and i miss having her around all the time. i miss my best friend, but the cool thing is is that that will never change. this has been what has been weighing on my heart the past few days. i am lucky to have a friend like lil. sincerely, sienna

gotta catch em all

or rather, you can’t catch them all, but you sure as heck want to.

i can’t please everyone, as much as i want to. everyone will have their opinion on how i am to live my life but the only thing i can do is love the Lord with my whole heart and seek to glorify him above all else. if i can do that and follow his commands, i am in his will and his wants will be mine. the simplicity of this promise is fantastic and it is the only thing i can stand on. 

i have run into this before a few years ago, when life handed me disapproval and doubt. however, seeking the lord i found more peace than i could have found in the affirmation and approval of others. so thank you God for your clarity and love. thank you for the freedom you have given me to by myself in my fullness of You. 

View me, Lord, a work of thine!
Shall I then lie downed in night?
Might thy grace in me but shine,
I should seem made all of light.

Cleanse me, Lord, that I may kneel 
At thine altar pure and white;
They at once thy mercies feel,
Gaze no more on earth’s delight.

Worldly joys like shadows fade
When the heavenly light appears;
But the covenants Thou hast made,
Endless, know not days nor years.

In thy word, Lord, is my trust,
To thy mercies fast I fly;
Though I am but clay and dust,
Yet thy grace can lift me high.

-Thomas Campion

the struggle to be the best.

i suppose i admit my struggle. i always want to be the best. the one who loves everything the most..the most unique of them all. the best defense to this is prayer and no longer finding my identity in meaningless temporary things. and yet, it has been a lifelong struggle.

the core of this is pride, how to lessen my pride is a different struggle entirely. the art of dying to oneself is never easy, and I’ve written about it many times. i yearn to take every thought captive, but i let my toxic thoughts roam free until they create conflict within myself and towards others. i am frustrated with myself and desire so deeply to no longer be held in bondage by the fickle drug of pride.

pain is a catalyst for growth. growth in what way, i am not sure. but here i am lord, painfully enduring what you have placed at my feet. i know because of your beautiful promises that this pain will further conform me to the likeness of your son. so thanks for that..